Should you report John Smith?
No need. Leaving him alone means he keeps buying food about once a week. Reporting him twice gets your storefront vandalized.
Probably Stolen John Smith Guide
You don't need to. If you never report Probably Stolen John Smith, he keeps coming back about once a week to buy food and nothing else happens. Report him once and Security holds him for two days before letting him go; he comes back angry but still wants groceries. Report him a second time and he spray-paints "JOHN SMITH" across your storefront that night, then drops by the next morning to gloat.
Should you report John Smith in Probably Stolen?
For what the game is and every guide we publish, start at the Probably Stolen guide hub. The rest of the story characters are on the Probably Stolen characters page.
- Easiest: don't report him and keep selling him food.
- Graffiti: only happens if you report him twice.
- Last chance: you can report him once more for the vandalism, and then his story is over.
John Smith at a glance
| Field | Value |
|---|---|
| Who he is | A customer on the Wanted List who says Security mixed him up with a robber. Source: In-game text. |
| First visit | At random, as one of the wanted customers the game picks. Source: The game code. |
| If you never report him | He comes back about once a week for food. Source: The game code. |
| If you report him once | He returns after Security lets him go, still wanting food. Source: In-game text; the game code. |
| If you report him twice | "JOHN SMITH" is painted across your storefront that night. Source: In-game text; the game code. |
| Endless Mode | He still appears. Source: The game code. |
What happens if you report John Smith
You report him with the alarm, the same way as any other wanted customer; the Security and Wanted List page explains how. What follows depends on how many times you do it:
| What you do | What happens next | Does he come back? |
|---|---|---|
| Never report him | He keeps shopping for food | Yes, about once a week |
| Report him once (on his first visit or any weekly visit) | "You are coming with us. Scum." A few days later: "Security held me for two days before they figured out they had the wrong guy." | Once, to buy food. His weekly visits stop |
| Report him again on that return visit | "Again?! Why?!" Your store is vandalized that night | Once more, the next morning |
| Report him on that last visit | "You are under arrest for vandalism." | No |
A second report costs you a vandalized storefront. If you want a quiet run, sell him his groceries.
Why "JOHN SMITH" is painted on your store
If you report him on his return visit, your night report says your store "was vandalized overnight" and that "JOHN SMITH" is spray-painted across the front in huge letters. When you open the next morning he is the first one in: "Morning! Like the new paint job? That's what you get for reporting me for no reason. Have fun cleaning that up!"
This counts as the same vandalized storefront as any other graffiti, with the same effect on your shop. How cleaning the storefront and store attractiveness work is on the store attractiveness section of our display case guide.
On this visit you can report him one last time. Security answers, "You are under arrest for vandalism", and he doesn't come back after that.
Who is John Smith?
On his first visit he opens with "Hello, please don't report me." He says his name is so common that Security got him mixed up with someone else: "They put my face on the wanted poster instead of that robber!" He insists he is "just a normal guy trying to get some groceries" and complains that he has been arrested four times this month.
The game never confirms whether he is telling the truth. All you have are his word and Security's lines. You meet him for the first time at random: he is one of the wanted customers the game can pick for your Wanted List. Once you have met him, his visits follow the pattern above.
Version notes and limits
This page doesn't give his bounty or the exact days he returns. We will check this page again when the public build changes.
Probably Stolen John Smith FAQ
Why is JOHN SMITH painted on my store?
You reported him on his first visit (or a weekly one) and again when he came back. He spray-paints his name on your storefront that night as payback.
Is there any benefit to not reporting John Smith?
He stays a regular food customer, and your storefront stays clean.
Who is John Smith?
A wanted customer who says Security confused him with a robber because his name is so common. The game doesn't confirm whether that is true.
Sources and version history for this guide: Probably Stolen sources and versions.
Spot an error or a post-patch change? See how we label evidence and handle corrections in the Editorial Policy.